A 6 foot tall, 175 pound bulldozer. A small bulldozer is still a bulldozer and that’s what I am. In front of me is the endless list of work to do. Behind me, laying broken and crumbled, is anything that got in my way. Trees. Weeds. Family.
I am me when I write on this blog. This is me. The real Chris Jordan. But the person you read about is only a small portion of who I am. The real Chris Jordan is, among other things, hot-tempered, impatient and insecure. My insecurity has driven me far beyond what a whole list of schoolteachers told me I was capable of but what has it cost me? I’m certainly egocentric and how narcissistic is this blog?
It doesn’t matter how much money I make. The farm (like any business) will consume it all. It doesn’t matter how much work I do. There is always more work to do. Always. But who will I work with? Who do I work for? I can’t be enslaved by dirt. The dirt doesn’t care. Will I just become Ebeneezer Scrooge enjoying my cold, dark house because “darkness is cheap”, not cherishing the light of loving relationships?
To avoid becoming that I have to slow down. I tend to be critical of my own mistakes but I need to be understanding of those made by others. I need to keep my mouth shut because words can never be unsaid! I have to pause, take the time to learn about my family each day and show a genuine interest in each of them…supporting them…loving them.
My wife means more to me than my cows do. That seems like an obvious statement until you look at where I am putting my time. It also seems like a lesson I would learn one of these days. The real Chris Jordan is pretty dense.
I often write that I love my wife. I love my wife. I am delighted to praise her openly. I appreciate her thoughts and her presence and her strength. I appreciate her forgiveness. And gosh! she’s pretty.
Farming is hard. Physically and emotionally. Marriage is hard. Physically and emotionally. Take time today to strengthen your ties with those you hold dear. Go ahead. Be the first to forgive…as Julie is. Then talk through the problems. They won’t just go away on their own.