It is Important that we Remain in Control of our Emotions

Our youngest had a sore ankle and woke up Tuesday crying. For the previous two weeks we believed she had a sprain but the pain convinced us to be more serious about a possible break. We took her to our pediatrician for an x-ray.

About an hour after the appointment, as Julie was driving home, the pediatrician called Julie and asked her to return to the office. His first words to her were,

It is important that we remain in control of our emotions.

We are not certain who he was talking to. He may have been talking to himself. Obviously this was going to be bad. His next words were:

Your daughter has cancer.

Julie texted me:

I need you to come home now.

No explanation. I assumed the cows were out or something. I was in a meeting. I stepped out to call her.

I didn’t go back to the meeting. I lost control of my emotions.

I felt helpless and afraid. My little girl was sick and there was nothing I could do to help her. Maybe there was nothing anybody could do to help her. The internet was certainly no help.

My little girl has cancer in her leg. My healthy, happy, beautiful, laughing daughter has cancer in her leg.

Julie and I cried. A lot.

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Love her smile.

A post shared by Julie Ann Jordan (@handfulofacorns) on

The next day the specialists confirmed that pediatrician had good cause for concern. We had an MRI. It showed a wad of what looked like cobweb where bone should be. More tears.

Days passed. Friends reached out to us. It was both encouraging and humbling.

On the fourth day we had an early morning appointment to get a CT scan and a biopsy performed. This would tell us what exactly we were dealing with and weather or not it has spread.

The cancer had not spread.

We lost control of our emotions again.

Four days before we were devastated to learn that our little girl had cancer in her leg. Friday we were elated to learn her cancer was just in her leg.

Today is …what day is it? Today is Thursday. How did that happen so fast? We have waited for the biopsy results, met with doctors, met with more doctors, toured the hospital and paid co-pays to all parties involved. Today, Thursday, was a big day for us. Today our little girl had surgery in preparation for chemotherapy.

She slept on the way to the hospital.

She woke up in a lot of pain.

Our emotions were under control.

We don’t want to see our little girl in pain but we accept that this is part of the healing process. We held her. We told her we loved her. We kissed her. We asked the nurses to help her with the pain.

But we didn’t cry.

I don’t mean to imply that we are all cried out. Nor are we callous to the sufferings of our daughter. But the uncertainty is gone. We are afraid. Who wouldn’t be? But we have a plan. We know what is coming up. Today was the first step in the plan.

Usually I try to bring my tangents around to farming in some way but not today. I’ll finish this way instead. We are relying on God to fix our little girl…weather He uses miracles or medicines. Great is the Lord and greatly to be praised. And I will praise Him in this storm.

While I do work to make my blog real, honest and personal I usually leave the really personal stuff out…except for love letters for my bride. What we are wrestling with right now may shut the farm down. I have considered selling the herd of cattle. But I also enjoy having them around…even if I have to chase a cow/calf pair for two hours in the dark and rain once in a while. But the farm really doesn’t matter. My family matters. My little girl matters.

And right now we are focused on her.

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Someone was playing with my phone this morning.

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Please pray for us. This is scary stuff.

22 thoughts on “It is Important that we Remain in Control of our Emotions

    • Thank you Sandra.

      It is heart breaking to walk through a pediatric oncology ward. Heart. Breaking. There are a number of children there who are all alone all day long. Parents don’t or can’t visit them. I’m seeing a whole world I had never imagined existed. We have, I think, a real opportunity to impact lives positively. I just have to find a way. Maybe I can take the farm to those kids. I don’t know. I’m working on it.

  1. Chris,

    I’m so sorry. I hate cancer and how often it seems to be popping up in people’s lives, especially children. My family and I will be praying for healing, for the right doctors to be put in your path, for clear decisions, and for strengthening of faith.

    Please keep us up to date when you can so we know how to pray.

    • Thank you Craig. The doctors we have met are awesome. Probably some of the very best in the world and, also, able to relate to our daughter. One medical student stopped by and just watched her play Minecraft for a little bit before surgery yesterday. Just hung out with her, asked questions…made a connection. Big deal stuff there.

      They indicate we will need a year to complete treatment. I hope to post a lot of good news in the next year.

  2. I am so sorry that you and your family are walking this road. I will be praying for you. Remember that our God is a great big God and He sees you and has not taken His eye off of you and your family. He has not left you. Praying for comfort and doctors wisdom. Bless you.

  3. Forgive me if this is posted twice. I have trouble with computer stuff.
    When we left for China, Wendy had a sore ankle – maybe a wasp sting. When we got home we were dealing with something much more complicated. Everyone and I mean everyone has stepped up to help. Prayers, gifts for Wendy, prayers, fund raisers, prayers. How can we thank everyone enough. Just knowing people around us care enough to stop and say “we are thinking and praying for Wendy” is so comforting.

  4. We are praying for you, and for the “Peace that passes all understanding.” It sounds like you have a first rate medical facility and doctors, and that will make a world of difference.

  5. God tempers us through adversity and trials. Each blow is painful but it is also the process of which He shapes our lives to make us a vessel worthy for His service. We love you guys and are praying for you and your family.

  6. Sending positive, healing, hopeful thoughts your way. I’m so sorry your beautiful little girl is having to go through this. This must have been a difficult post to write and share. My heart goes out to you and your family.

  7. When I heard the news all I could think was, Lord not Wendy please not Wendy. The last two times I saw Wendy I made a point to connect with her. The encounter brought a smile to both of us. Little did I know what was around the corner. You and Julie reacted just as I imagined you would. I know the love you have for your family is without end. I love you guys and I have been praying for you all everyday(I tear up every time). If there is anything I can do please call me. It would be my pleasure to help in any way.

  8. Cancer is big. God is bigger. When I first met my future DH, we were in college. Within a month he was in the hospital with cancer. Pause for miracle miracle miracle. We married, were blessed to have children (the doctors were surprised), adopted a child too (special needs), and shazam, cancer again at age 35 (probably caused by the chemo from the first cancer). Pause for some more miracles. More time passage, another adoption (5 kids now), older kids getting married and having kids, and DH now comes up with heart damage (from chemo from the second time). More miracles, and here we are in our late 50’s. He works hard (prison teacher and farmer) and we take nothing for granted. It was fun surprising the docs along the way but it was pretty awful. The miracles were medicine and prayer and abundant faith that we were not abandoned. The science has come so far and yes, once you start working the plan it feels better. God is faithful.

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