Life as a Bulldozer

A 6 foot tall, 175 pound bulldozer. A small bulldozer is still a bulldozer and that’s what I am. In front of me is the endless list of work to do. Behind me, laying broken and crumbled, is anything that got in my way. Trees. Weeds. Family.

I am me when I write on this blog. This is me. The real Chris Jordan. But the person you read about is only a small portion of who I am. The real Chris Jordan is, among other things, hot-tempered, impatient and insecure. My insecurity has driven me far beyond what a whole list of schoolteachers told me I was capable of but what has it cost me? I’m certainly egocentric and how narcissistic is this blog?

It doesn’t matter how much money I make. The farm (like any business) will consume it all. It doesn’t matter how much work I do. There is always more work to do. Always. But who will I work with? Who do I work for? I can’t be enslaved by dirt. The dirt doesn’t care. Will I just become Ebeneezer Scrooge enjoying my cold, dark house because “darkness is cheap”, not cherishing the light of loving relationships?

To avoid becoming that I have to slow down. I tend to be critical of my own mistakes but I need to be understanding of those made by others. I need to keep my mouth shut because words can never be unsaid! I have to pause, take the time to learn about my family each day and show a genuine interest in each of them…supporting them…loving them.

My wife means more to me than my cows do. That seems like an obvious statement until you look at where I am putting my time. It also seems like a lesson I would learn one of these days. The real Chris Jordan is pretty dense.

I often write that I love my wife. I love my wife. I am delighted to praise her openly. I appreciate her thoughts and her presence and her strength. I appreciate her forgiveness. And gosh! she’s pretty.

note farmer tan

Farming is hard. Physically and emotionally. Marriage is hard. Physically and emotionally. Take time today to strengthen your ties with those you hold dear. Go ahead. Be the first to forgive…as Julie is. Then talk through the problems. They won’t just go away on their own.

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12 thoughts on “Life as a Bulldozer

  1. Take a vacation. Go somewhere quiet, inexpensive, and where the kids are entertained easily. The seashore comes to mind. If you go camping you have to work, avoid work. Go somewhere where you can keep an eye on the kids, but not have to constantly take care of them. Rent a cabin on one of the lakes close by so you don’t have to drive very far. Go ahead, eat sandwiches, grill, go fishing, pack plenty of easy to grab food. And eat out, but don’t work. We once found a B & B that fit that description – there’s breakfast! Take two copies of some books you have been wanting to read. Take a week to get ready and go!

  2. A holiday is a good idea. Don’t forget it is a Family Farm and though you might be just as happy to stay at home and work for your “holiday”, the lovely Julie and your great kids that all help you so much, would likely enjoy a holiday.

    I was recently reminiscing with my siblings about some of our annual family summer holidays – camping in the mountains or at the lake and we had a great time and have memories of those decades later.

    My ex’s dad never took them on holidays – always just wanted to work and catch up. They had a beautiful cabin at a lake 1 ½ hr north of their big ranch and they were only ever allowed to go for two days btwn haying and starting harvest – yup always impromptu, right after rain while the fields dried up, and another few days over Christmas, before calving started in Jan. Their dad figured going to the exhibitions all over, showing their cattle were holidays but to the kids it was not the same as just going to the lake for fishing and swimming.

    I hope you don’t deprive your kids of a holiday and the memories they will make. How’s that for a guilt trip? ;)

    • I was noticing a place on the farm that would be a nice camping spot. There are a few dry, fallen limbs there I could quickly cut up, the ground is level and soft. It is conveniently located but back off of the road. Might be fun after the heat and humidity subside.

      • hmmm… sounds more like a trip to the back forty to clean up deadfall instead of a holiday – lol. With all the raving you do about Superwoman Julie and all the great work your kids do, with your oldest son really stepping up this yr, I thought you would have taken one for the team. Taken a real holiday to a nearby lake or something that is. Kinda like a bonus for all their hard work – and they deserve a holiday too! Guilt Trip #2 eh? LOL ! Just mostly ribbing you cuz a good holiday is about the people and the good times you have not necessarily the location. As kids I think we had just as much fun camping, swimming exploring, finding sticks and roasting weenies and marshmallows over a campfire, playing games and sleeping in a sleeping bag, as we did going to Disneyland or Cancun.

        On my farm there is a playhouse, a treehouse and a skeleton of a fort/shack in the bush down by the dugout and though I have never had a Staycation it is nice to go there and just relax once in a while. I thought about dragging an old wooden granary down there to use as a cabin for extended getaways but never have. I hear you on the heat and humidity everything here is damp – sigh.

        • I don’t like the word “staycation”. It seems to have a negative connotation…like it is lame to be here. I pay a lot of money for this farm. Isn’t this where I want to be? Isn’t this what I want to do? Why would I want to pay more money to be somewhere else? And I don’t mind cutting a little wood for a fire. Why would I want to not work? Noah got off the boat and planted a vineyard.

          Julie and the kids are great but the cows just don’t understand when the milker doesn’t run. We’ll dry them off this winter, park the birds in a greenhouse, bunch up the cattle on some stockpile and head off for a real adventure together. Maybe visit some family in Indiana.

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